Sometimes we teach best what we need to learn.
A good friend of mine told me this, years ago, as he could always tell what was going on in my personal life by the way I taught my Spinning class. (This was back in the infancy of Spinning when it was a bit different than it is today.) If I taught a very meditative, focused class, he knew it was because my own life was in turmoil. By teaching with focus, and creating that internal quiet for my students, I could hope to quiet the chatter in my own mind.
I haven’t taught Spinning in many years, but I see that concept overflowing here in the blog to what I write. If I write an article about awareness, it is because I feel that awareness slipping away from me. If I write about being kind to yourself, it may be because I have been especially hard on myself lately.
So I continue to teach best what I need to learn.
I believe very strongly that we have everything that we need to succeed, that we have to simply draw it out and choose to use it. I believe that celiac disease is a blessing in disguise. But sometimes I am overwhelmed, and scared too, and doubt fills me.
As some of you know, I have had multiple surgeries on both knees. My knees are pretty torn up with scars and scar tissue. Most of the time I look at these scars and bumps with a sense of pride that I’ve managed to overcome a few obstacles in my path.
And yet, why don’t I wear shorts?
I very rarely wear shorts. Even though I live in subtropical South Florida, I generally wear pants, capris, or skirts. I have returned to fitness competitions, and even though I wear a bikini on stage, I am acutely aware of the scars. I recognize the scar tissue, and the way it deforms the lines of my legs. I look at this picture from last year, and the first thing I see is the scars.
And on a more abstract plane, the scars and scar tissue are a reminder of my own weakness, of fallibility, of being imperfect in many ways.
So why is it so hard?
Most if the time I can recognize that which I cannot control, and I can let it go. But sometimes I cannot.
And so I struggle. And so we all struggle from time to time.
A friend of mine is an incredible athlete, a wonderful empathetic person, a wife, and an emergency room physician. She also is very hard on herself from time to time, and I remember encouraging her to be as kind to herself as she is to others.
So why is it so hard?
For some reason it’s easier to see the good in others. It’s easier to remind someone else to be kind to themselves, to give it a rest. To step back and observe, enjoy, and celebrate the accomplishments.
It’s hard to do for yourself.
So once again I am teaching best what I need to learn. I hope you all choose to be kind to yourselves today. Feed yourselves well, spend time with people who make you happy. Please leave a comment and share one thing you will do to nourish yourself well today.
Well, I’m going to wear shorts. And I’m going to be okay with it.